Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Irksome, pesky things: "JB ", on-and-off more than Heidi and Spencer, etc.

My grandfather is fond of saying his name and adding a ridiculous list of middle names, so it sounds complicated when he rhymes it off. Some of these names are "John Augustus McGillicudy". There are at least 2 more. I think his actual middle name is simply "John". Whenever he does this, my Nana always says, "You forgot 'Irksome Pesky'." Because Nana's funny like that. I love the term, personally. Which is why I can apply it to the things in this list,

Thing That Drive Me Completely Insane, Vol. 2- the "Irksome, Pesky" edition.


[1.] Justin Bieber

I'm going to start out this list with something that doesn't necessarily drive me crazy, but that I just don't understand: Bieber Fever. Let's take a look at what we have here: a teenage boy who sounds like an 8-year-old girl when he sings. His songs are generic, cookie-cutter crap that, despite what everyone seems to claim - ARE NOT CATCHY. I am the world's biggest sucker for terrible, terrible music (Ke$ha, anyone?) so long as it's got a good hook. His songs all suck. I can't stand the sound of his voice. Appearance-wise; well, first of all - I'm not a Cougar-in-Training, but even if I were, I wouldn't find him attractive. I've seen 16-year-old boys that could pass for 21 easily. JB doesn't look like he's scraping 13. He often looks like he's wearing lipgloss, and overall appears to have been spit out of the Disney grinder that brings every other wholesome-looking, unoriginal tween to our attention.

If sources can be believed (and sources being essentially everyone who has had contact with the little brat), the kid's got an epic ego, throws tantrums, and is more than a little ungrateful.

There's your superstar, kiddies. Ew. On a related note: We as Canadians often "apologize" for Celine Dion. It's like a joke. Well, I for one would like us to step up and apologize for Justin Bieber. So, to everyone who isn't brainwashed, I, on behalf of Canada, am dreadfully sorry.

[2.] People who are on , then off, then on-again, then off-again... And display it all over Facebook.

Everyone has one of these people (or several DOZEN, in my case) on Facebook. When we were kids, it was always all over MSN (usually iN aLtErNaTiNg CaPs) about how much "JeSsIcA lOooOOVeSSs MiKEEe aaF! LUV U BABY 4EVER!" (I do not know a Jessica or a Mike who did this, this is an example). The next day, this same Jessica (excuse me - JeSsIcA), would be delcaring that, "OmG sO PisTT!! i HaTe MeN!! gO fuCK yOURselF!" [this is where I stop typing like that, because it hurts me]. Then the next day, "LOVE U SO MUCH BEB SO GLAD UR IN MY LIFE!! J+M AAF!! ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥". Rinse and repeat. For a long time.

It wasn't so bad on MSN; you could just not scroll down to their name. But Facebook is a whole different story. The "relationship status" has made it possible for every fight and break up and reconciliation to litter your newsfeed and assault your eyes.

Before anyone jumps down my throat - I UNDERSTAND rocky relationships. The first 9 months of mine were a mess. We almost broke up about half a dozen times (ALMOST, because we talked things OUT, not automatically ended it for a day). This is perhaps why it was good that it took a YEAR to be Facebook official - because no one needs that junior high garbage clogging up their homepage. I also don't understand what guy (because I feel, that as a woman, I am allowed to say we're usually more crazy and more likely to go on a public rant) will even accept all the relationship status changes. AND IT'S COMPLICATED? Don't get me started.

That being said, "If at first you don't succeed, try try again!" is not a phrase that should be applied to relationships. If it didn't work the first time, it MIGHT work the second. I'm all for second chances. If it didn't work the second time? GIVE IT UP!! It's not going to! Not only is it annoying, it can also be hilarious, I suppose. Or embarassing. There are a handful of people I want to inbox and say, "Look, everyone is rolling their eyes at you and talking about you behind your back - because you are an IDIOT." But I don't, because it's not really my business. Though, if you put it on Facebook - CONSTANTLY - then I suppose it turns in to everyone's business.

I'm not a serial dater; someone who can't be single for 2 days without moving on to my next victim boyfriend, so maybe that's why I don't understand. But from my experience, you can't "love" someone after a week. And you also can't hate someone's guts, tear them apart via statuses, and then swear your undying love and affection for them the next day. Yes, relationships are hard. Yes, you sometimes wanna choke the other person - but you don't stop loving them because of it. If you do - you're done. You don't just go back to fairytale land the next day.

It's absolute, complete high school - no, JUNIOR HIGH, even - bullshit, and although it's entertaining to watch, it's also completely moronic. These people will never be happy if they don't smarten up.

[3.] Serial Daters

This is directly related to #2 on the list. People who bounce from boyfriend to boyfriend and girlfriend to girlfriend within days of ending a relationship. It boggles my mind! Especially when they immediately start dropping the L-bomb - do you even know what feelings are? They take time to develop, you know. Did the previous person mean nothing to you? And if so, is this new catch nothing more than a fling as well? Will these people ever settle down? Annoying, and totally mind-boggling to this chick who's big on the one-and-only theory.

[4.]I'm going to Blockbuster.

I think anyone who works at an indenpendently owned video store has heard this. Asshole A doesn't feel like paying his late fees. Asshole A threatens to go to Blockbuster, because they don't have late fees. Asshole A causes a huge scene in your store.

1] First of all, it's your fault you're late. Own up to the fact that you're an irresponsible prick.
2] Blockbuster has reinstated late fees.
3] Blockbuster costs significantly more.
4] You're a grade-A Asshole/prick/immature moron, do you really think I'm going to miss your business?
5] You're coming out the loser whether you pay your late fee or go there and pay their rental fees. So please just shut up. Kthx.

That's all for this installment. I probably could've made #'a 2 & 3 their own post!

This is Marcus. Marcus is here simply because I want an image to show up with the link when I post it to Facebook. Hi, Marcus!

No comments:

Post a Comment

* Anything intentionally antagonistic or misspelled to the point it would cause an educated person pain to look at will be deleted.