List time: The 3 Types of Movie-Watchers

I'll be the first to admit that at one point in my life, I was an elitist bitch. Considering how young I am, this meant I was one stuck-up, pretentious little high schooler. Indie movies, Oscar winners, music that didn't get radio airplay, TV shows that faded in to obscurity - that was me (I was going to say - rejecting sports and sporting events, but that's just because I'm fat, not because I was a snob). Now that I've grown up and gotten the hell over myself (anyone else getting a chill thinking about hipsters?), I can't flipping stand people like that.

When I was even younger, I was one of the mindless masses that wouldn't watch anything that didn't have a) ridiculous amounts of explosions, or b) sex and fart jokes. These are the action/comedy people who wouldn't broaden their horizons if their lives depended on it. They are the opposite end of the spectrum from the Elitists, and they are just as annoying.

Having been both of these people and now sitting at a happy medium, I have strong views on all categories of the movie-watching public. So, without further ado, my First List.

The 3 Main Types of the Movie-Watching Public

The I Wish I Saw it at Cannes

Loves Foreign films. Loves Indie films. Loves The Godfather (but hates how "mainstream" it is). Loves to use the word "film" instead of "movie". Won't admit to how awesome Fight Club is because of its over-exposed cult status. Will not watch comedies, action movies, Sci-fi or any rom-coms. Hates musicals. Won't watch fantasy movies because, "I don't watch stupid movies/things that aren't real." Their opinion is always more important than yours, and is ALWAYS right. Of course they haven't seen The Hangover; it's funny and mass-produced!

Example:
"What did you think of Shutter Island?"
"Although it was more mainstream than I usually enjoy, all of Scorses' subtleties and nuances as well as the atmospheric tension he created were well-done and DiCaprio;s vulnerability on-screen was excellently executed..." etc.

The Steven Segal

I've coined the name for this type of person after one of the most prolific action movie stars. I've never seen a Steven Segal movie, and for all I know, they could be amazing. But let's just assume for a moment they're all fairly similar. Well, even though they've seen it all before DOZENS of times, The Steven Segal is still excited every time a new formula-action flick or teen sex comedy is released. Thrillers, dramas, fantasy movies - all of them are just not worth watching in the eye of the Steven Segal. Hates musicals. Also huge fans of non-creative horror movies (Alternate name: The Freddy Krueger).

Example:
"What did you think of Shutter Island?"
"It was weird and it didn't make any sense and that guy from The Departed and Titanic was in it, but it still wasn't any good, I wouldn't recommend it, it was too confusing and nothing cool happened."

The I'll Try Anything Once

I've morphed in to this hybrid over the past couple of years. The name says it all; we can appreciate a good comedy, see the entertainment value in a bad comedy, see the "fun" in action and horror movies, see all the cinematic value in the "classics" and the award-winners. We'll watch a good documentary if it catches our eye, deal with the subtitles on Foreign films, have no shame in how much we love blockbusters like Iron Man and Kick-Ass, but won't shy away from any Indie film that piques our interest. Now, I'm not saying we aren't annoying as well (just ask my boyfriend LOL), because of how easily we get frustrated with people who won't just sit back and enjoy the ride. Doesn't hate musicals.

Example:
"What did you think of Shutter Island?"
"It was really good! Kinda weird though, definitely hurt my head a little. Leo was great though, I thought it was cool."

A few sub-category honorable mentions.

The Slasher Fan: Rents horror movies. Nothing else. Specifically, any slasher flick.

The Elitist Horror Fan: The I Wish I Saw it at Cannes version of The Slasher Fan. Supernatural, atmospheric flicks only.

The Elderly Woman: Dear, can you pick me out a good love story, or maybe a nice family show?

The Dog Lover: I know this seems like an unnecessary category, but people go APE SHIT for dog movies, it's insane.

The I Wish I Saw Steven Segal at Cannes: is ALMOST the I'll Try Anything Once, but they won't watch Sci-fi, fantasy, or anything that they decide to deem "stupid". Some of the most frustrating to deal with.

The Peter Pan: This person never really got over Toy Story. But then again, who has? : )

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Whick one are you?

Me, I'm a mix between the Try Anything Once and The Peter Pan, because I love me some kids movies.