A Trip Down Memory Lane: Checking on some old favorites to see if they withstood the test of time.

Now to interrupt your regular programming of ranting and general dragon-lady yelling, with something a little different. As awesome as it feels to get some Legit Issues off my chest every week, sometimes, you just gotta slow it down, sit back, and examine something a little less serious.

You may recall that I dedicated a large portion of my time to the absolute unbridled horror and confusion that today's children's entertainment sparks in the hearts of people my age.  When I was young, nothing I watched really had any educational value. Did it impact me negatively? Well, my spelling and grammar skills are on par if not above and beyond that of the average person, I'm certainly well-read and well-spoken, and I can string together a decently-worded and (mostly) error-free sentence with ease. Therefore, I conclude that the terrible movies and cartoons that essentially babysat me in my youth haven't impacted my development negatively. Sure, there were plenty of "moral" lessons in the form of a gigantic purple* Dinosaur who liked to sing**, and I'm sure Full House had some sort of... wholesome... something.

*First of all, that is NOT purple. Barney is magenta, plain and simple. Today actually happens to be Day of Purple, to raise awareness of the recent string of gay suicides, and I am wearing 4 different shades of the colour, none of which are even close to the weird, pinky-reddish thing that is Barney.
** On another Barney note, the other day a middle-aged customer was discussing Barney with me, and how he always really, really unsettled her, and how she didn't like her now-13-year-old son watching it, because in her opinion, Barney is just a Big "Purple" Child Molester, and who the hell sings about loving kids he barely knows!? She brought up many valid points, I must say.

Lack of any educational value aside, were the shows we watched growing up actually any good? I'd love to pretend like came out of the womb with a deep appreciation for Scorcese films and Meryl Streep's acting, but it'd be a filthy fucking lie. I watched Power Rangers. Religiously. And this weird, muppet-laden show that was only on at 5AM called Kingdom Adventures. Sometimes, I'll go back and watch something I enjoyed as a tyke, like Good Burger, and, though stupid - still find it uproariously funny.

So, with the help of YouTube and Retro Junk, I'm going to put some of the old favorites to a modern-day test, and see if they really were as awesome as we, as 5-10-year-olds thought, or if our tiny brains just didn't know "epic".

***

What has withstood the test of time?

Coming Thursdays: Surviving the Nicaraguan Glee Club, vol. 1

On the off chance that you're unfamiliar with television, allow me to explain the title and purpose of this particular section: As I explained in one of my earlier posts, I don't really do the whole "sit down at a pre-set time each week and spend an hour watching something". At least, not as much as most people do. I currently have two shows: Survivor, which I've seen the first episode of thus far, and Glee**.

[**Jersey Shore I also watch religiously, however where we're at LEAST mid-way through the season, it'd be way, WAY too much to re-cap right now, and" Surviving the Nicaraguan Glee Club Back In Jersey" is just an excessively long title.]

That being said, I loveloveloveloveLOVE to discuss the things I watch, and I always have very strong opinions about, well, everything. Although I blogged all summer, I managed to avoid talking about my One True Television Love, Big Brother. Well, Big Brother is OVA! now, and I am restless to get Glee started on Tuesday. Survivor: Nicaragua is in swing. And I am ready.

So - Thursdays will be the day I come here to recap Survivor, post my opinions on the tribes, rehash the best moments and most hilarious quotes (I find all reality TV yields some really excellent, unintentional humor). With Glee, I'll be talking about what went down (and feeling like a little gossip girl, ohmigosh! Wish I went to McKinley...), what's coming up, quoting the ever-excellent Brittany (she better be given just as many epic one-liners this season!), and just yammering in a very Glee-ful (ye gods, I am hilarious***) manner, overall.

[***I am not hilarious, nor do I think so.]

All entries will be tagged and titled as "Surviving the Nicaraguan Glee Club" VOL:1 (or whatever number I happen to be at by that time), for easy finding and reading in the tags (those linky-things with numbers in brackets on the left there). Happy reading, homies.

"I'M GOING TO THE JERSEY SHORE!" No, not really... luckily.

It's easy to hate MTV's Jersey Shore. It's "entertainment" that is clearly marketed towards girls ages 16- 25 who tyPeEE LiKkKEEee DiSS! and talk about "haters" and love to "show their goods" at "clubs". Those of us who are at least marginally intelligent and possess the ability to string a (properly-worded and error-free)sentence together are supposed to scorn their antics, refuse to watch their adventures, and wonder just what a "Snooki" is.

Unfortunately, during season one, many of us stumbled upon an episode or two. Within the first 5 minutes, we wanted to turn away, scoff these fake-baked, over-the-top morons, and forget what we'd seen. However, those of us who made it past the first 5 minutes? I call it "trainwreck-syndrome"; it's horrible, it's scarring - but you just can't look away.

I fell in to this trap, shortly after season one had finished. And thanks to MTV.com, I spent 9 HOURS IN A ROW WATCHING THE ENTIRE THING.

Since then, I've spent the last 6 months waiting patiently for Seson 2, which premieres in just 3 days! Seriously, did they have subliminal messaging in the audio? Now, the friends who got me into JS - all intelligent, non-shitty human beings. How did we get sucked in? I blame some sort of Harry Potter-level witchcraft, on this one.

That being said, here's some quick (hopefully) thoughts on the "characters" we encoutner:

They're orange, they drink, they are (kind of) Italian.


[1]Mike "The Situation":
I hate this man. I'm broken; I find nothing appealing about shirtless men, no matter what they look like. I don't know what the problem is, but I don't find it attractive. The Situation's abs are his claim to fame - but he is ONE HELL of a butterface! Therefore, not being attracted to his chest/stomach + having a hideous face = I find him repulsive. Backtracking, this is not why I hate him, I'm not that shallow. Not only is he 100% full of himself, but he ws mean to Snooki in season one, refers to himself AS "The Situation" (are you kidding me!?) and is just overall a huge douchenozzle. That being said, the show would be very, very boring without him.

[2] "DJ Pauly D: Yeah, they mostly all have nicknames. Okay, Pauly... well, for starters, hairgel went out in the 90s. He doesn't seem to realize this. He has a tanning bed in HIS HOUSE. Apparently, he's some sort of DJ. I don't know of he's any good; I don't know anything(or care) about DJs, I really don't. Pauly is far less of an up-front asshole than Mike, but I think he's just as bad a person. When they're going out to get some ladies, Pauly is usually the charmer when Mike starts letting the asshole within show on the outside. Less annoying, and also less necessary, but he's wildly popular? I don't get it.

[3] Nicole "Snooki": Snooki is by far my favorite. Other websites and bloggers have likened her to a troll-creature, but I think she's wonderful. She's something like 4'11", chunky as anything (just because of her height, she probably weighs like 40 pounds less than me), likes to wear a "slut-bump" in her hair (everyone else refers to it as a "poof"), and is 100% ridiculous. She is a drama-queen, a sook, a whiner, she got famously punched in the face by a dude... she is entertainment in one tiny, orange package, and for that, I love her. I think she's the star!

[4]Jenni "JWOWW" Farley: JWOWW gets a last name because I can actually SPELL hers. Okay. When she first went in the house, she introduced herself as "JWOWW", which pissed people off. She's a nasty drunk (they all are, really) who gets in to fights, has had fake boobs since she was 21, and is basically the trashiest whore, ever. I follow her on Facebook anyway. I like her! I'm not sure why. She and Snooki team up a lot, she stood up for Snooki many times, they got in fights together. AND! ANNNNND! She punched The Situation in the face. She also cheated on her boyfriend (BIG FUCKING SURPRISE, ARE YOU KIDDING ME?) But yeah. Also entertaining.

Now, the "other ones".

[5]Vinny: Okay, Vinny is the most popular and least-annoying of the 4 "other ones". He was 21 during season one, so he had less experience with being a douchebag, and for the most part he seemed kinda like an okay-person, but it didn't take long for him to be just as much of a douchebag womanizer (I'm all for the monogamy, I think that's why I hate everyone? lmao). He had some altercations with t

[6]Ronnie: Okay, Ronnie - musclebound moron that seemed all sweet and stuff at first when he hooked up with Sammi (more on that dumb bitch in a minute), but liiiiiiiiiiiiiiike 4 episodes in you realize he's got the 'roid-rage to the max, and he's crazy jealous and has a horrible temper. He's basically a shitty person. He's useless, I hate him.

[7]Sammi "Sweetheart": One of those girls that is just SO annoying, and overdramatic when it comes to boys, and is all obsessed with Ronnie (why!? dear God, I don't get the appeal of muscles), and takes sort-of abuse from him (well, he enver hit her, but STILL), and gets way too drunk and cries because of ... her toe? Was it something to do with her toe? I can't really remember. I can't fucking STAND her. She adds nothing to the show.

[8]Angelina: Yes, that's the dumb bitch that quit 3 episodes in, hjad a huge mouth, tried to intentionally "cockblock" everyone, cheated on her boyfriend, and carried her clothes in garbage bags ... AND GOT ASKED BACK FOR SEASON TWO ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?

And that's it.

They're obsessed with their Gym, their tanning, and their Laundry. They drink more than Newfies and Capers combined. They fight. And they wear more makeup than I thought humanly possible.

They have absolutely no point; and yet we love them. Or love to hate them...

So, here's to Season Two, starting Thursday!

This is not a rant. TV on DVD; one of my greatest love affairs.

I went a good three years of my life without watching television, between the ages of 17 and 20. My reasoning had no deep meaning; I hadn't swore to start reading more, hadn't decided to put an end to the corrosion of my cerrebellum (just how misspelled is that, PS?). It was far simpler than that - I didn't have a TV. Now, for the some of that time period, I was living with a friend and spent every waking moment that I wasn't at work hiding in my bedroom, with my laptop. I moved back in with my parents, and again - hid in my room. By the time I'd moved out, I'd lost all desire to partake in the televised arts (would you even call them that? ... I didn't think so. I tried, whatever). Don't get me wrong; I'd check out The Simpsons and Family Guy from time to time, re-runs of Frasier and the Golden Girls. But that was the extent of it.

That is, until one of the greatest inventions of the past 20 years was brought to my attention: TV on DVD.

Now, many people think that the, "Wow! No commercials!" aspect is the greatest argument for watching TV on DVD. I beg to differ. I work random hours. Shiftwork. I have a life (really, I swear). I can not dedicate an hour or half hour of my time on a certain day each week to watch anything (with the exception of Big Brother). So I missed out on the first half of Glee, the entirety of the Friends series, the first two seasons of The Big Bang Theory. But I'm caught up. On all of it. Simply because I could rent the discs and watch them at my leisure. Whenever I want! And I can pause it and go to work and come back and pick up exactly where I left off. And like a movie, there were bonus features. Friends gag reels, Glee music videos. countless commentary and interviews.

One could argue that you can get the same benefits (save for the bonus features) with a PVR. To that, I must counter: I can't afford a PVR! Hell, I can't afford to actually BUY seasons of a TV show (if they're new, that is), I have to rent. But that's the beauty of it; I can spend an evening with my Friends, watching how they lived out 1999, and it'll cost me less than $6. I'd have to get Digital Cable to even get a PVR and wanna know a secret? I don't even pay for the cable I have here! It was hooked up when I moved in. (shameless, sure, but can ya blame me? Free things are good.)

Now, a new season of a TV series usually runs between $30 and $60 depending on how many discs it is and how popular the series is. The Tudors Season 3, for example, was running a steep $55 everywhere I looked. But give it a couple years, and it'll be in the bargain bin at Wal-Mart for 12 bucks, where Seinfeld is right now. Less than the cost of actually GOING TO SEE A MOVIE, you get HOURS of a TV show!

DISCLAIMER: I don't sell TV on DVD, I have nothing to do with it. I just love it to pieces, it's one of the things in the world that I am truly jazzed about.

Stay golden, Ponyboy(s).